Damage
This is not my usual post. But it’s something I had to share. As you read this, imagine how your reaction would differ if this story were being told by a woman, talking about how her husband treated her.
I have been separated from my wife for over a year, though we continue to share a house. We live on separate floors. We share the house because we need to parent our son together, and because we can’t afford to maintain two households.
I’d like to tell you a story, illustrating one reason why I am divorcing her. This is an example of the treatment I have received over the past fourteen years.
This evening, while she was drinking her wine, my estranged wife took exception to the fact that I wanted to talk about how tense she’s been. She said she didn’t want to talk about it.
I left the room (so as to comply with her request).
I went upstairs to use our tiny guest bathroom. She began to yell and throw things around the kitchen, then eventually charged up the stairs and into the bathroom, just as I was finishing and getting ready to leave. She confronted me there, holding her half-full wine glass in her hand. Her voice got louder, her gestures wilder.
She complained that I had upset her by wanting to talk when she had told me she didn’t want to talk. As I began to feel uncomfortable, I said, “You’re saying it’s my fault you can’t express your emotions responsibly like an adult?”
She said, “Yes!! It’s because you want to go off and take a vacation with your girlfriend!” Then she threw the contents of her glass in my face and smashed it against my bare chest.
The results are pictured here.
I stood there, with shattered glass at my feet, glass shards sticking in my skin, bleeding, for five minutes or so. I asked her to move so that I could leave. She waved the broken stem of the glass in the air and said, “Leave!! Who’s stopping you?”
I told her she was standing between me and the door. I felt threatened.
She laughed and said, “You’re 6 foot 3 and 250 pounds! You can’t feel threatened by me!”
I said, “You just broke a glass on my chest and cut me. You’re standing there with the stem in your hands. Yes. I feel threatened.
She said, “No, you don’t.”
I asked her to move out of the way and let me pass. I didn’t want her to think I was pushing her or threatening her.
She held her ground, waved the broken stem and shouted, “Go on! Leave! I’m not stopping you!”
After I asked her repeatedly, she finally moved a bit and I left, carefully stepping over the broken glass.
I have posted this here as evidence, and to help those who may think that size and gender make a difference when abuse is concerned. People who, like my estranged, think some have permission to feel threatened and some don’t.
Abusers come in all sizes and genders.
She and I went to a half dozen therapists over the years. At each initial session, every therapist took a look at me, then at her (5’4” 150 lbs.). Then he or she would gravely ask my wife, “Do you feel safe?”
None ever thought to ask me.
Thanks for listening.
Because this needs to be shared. Because abuse is wrong no matter what. Because this saddens my heart.
This MUST be shared. Please reblog this.
More than just kindling.
(via zizkamizka)
Competent Woman #5- Education
Regardless of social standing, monetary concerns, etc. in an era of the internet there is no excuse for ignorance. A competent woman embraces all opportunities to be further educated whether it is in a field of personal interest, formal schooling, or a general work related subject.
Competent Woman #4- Basic Car Maintenance
This post is entirely inspired by Twisted Revolutions coming up for a visit today. Every woman regardless of martial status, location, or whatever should at least know the five things in basic car maintenance. Why? Because you never know when you are going to end up on the side of the road in the middle of the night due to something breaking.
Now without getting into the whole nine years, here is a basic list…
http://news.carjunky.com/car_maintenance/five-things-women-should-know-cars-cde950.shtml
Reverse Engineering #3- The thing about standards….
Look, I am not saying having standards is bad…. because it is by all means not. Knowing what you need (key term there) in a relationship/partner is a must and often having no clue leads to some very shady stuff. However, we often mix things that are vital with things that are not. Someone who doesn’t slap the shit out of you who shares similar morals and goals is definitely on the list of things to look for. While points such as being 6’3, blue eyed, body building, and an income of exactly $56,000 a year isn’t and no, I am not saying income is not important. I am just saying it is not the most important.
The point of all of this(before I get further into a rant) is, women have often unattainable standards when it comes to looking for “Mr. Right.” There is never going to be this perfect gentleman who not only does the dishes but knows how to sort laundry and build a house… and does taxes… and understands your feelings… and poops chocolate. Argue or try to prove me wrong all you want, it just does not exist. If you show me a perfect man… I’ll show you a man who either has you completely fooled or a brand new relationship in which reality hasn’t set in yet. This is also not to say women are perfect (cause HELLO LADIES, WE ARE NOT), but stop looking for someone who is impossible to come by.
In fact, I am going to do everyone a solid by saying this. There a tons of awesome men out there who would happily celebrate your existence any day of the week that we as women (believe me I’ve done it) overlook because they do not immediately fit into your definition. Men who are great save for one or two minor things that cause your nose to turn… generally, superficial bullshit that at the end of the day does not even matter. LADIES… you need to re-evaluate priorities, pick some better qualities, and learn to find humor in the small things. Because until you do… that is just more sweet, attentive, and friendly men for me.
Hello boys!
(via masochisticbeauty)
(via ourtimes)
Words as weapons
Stop. Seriously just stop after you read this and think about how long you think before speaking.
Oh shit right? You don’t do you. 90% of the time we just let the lips move as they will and let instinct fling words at those near us. What if however the words you fling are the words that someone has been waiting to hear their whole fucking life, I was one of those people I have heard a woman speak the perfect words and in doing so she became a goddess to me.
But she was just another stupid monkey shaved and stood upright like you and I and all of us, but her words made me forget that ” I will always love you for you, no matter what they’ve said you are good enough you are perfect as you the bravado the act it’s not real and I don’t need it I love the you behind it all ” speechless I stood there my face in her hands and I fucking cried. Now most the people who read this will never appreciate what that means. Most don’t deserve too honestly, my life has been a hell that leaves me in my late 20s with a life expectancy shorter than the time I’ve already had. Neither here nor there lets move on.
She said it, she may have meant some of it but she said the magic words. And like Arthur before the lady of the lake I laid down my shield and blade and stripped away an armor few had ever even scratched…. I let all these defenses in place for good reason and I loved her totally. But she hadn’t meant it, how could she honestly? Forever is something we can’t even really comprehend as is perfection all the same it was the ” open sesame” of my heart mind and soul and in she went…. till it got hard, and then I wasn’t any of those things anymore and she didn’t want me anymore and so she without so much as a second chance threw me against the rocks.
I lie to my friends about this alot but, I’m still broken from her. I still love her with all of my soul, and god I wish I could just truly hate her.
But I can’t so i lie and smile and shave and stand upright just like the rest of the monkeys.
So please ladies, just stop.
Think
Mean it.
